A bump near the end of the road...

So my husband is supposed to be ready for early release from probation in a few short months. His PO stopped by to drop off the paperwork for his final polygraph. Later while my Husband was going through the paperwork he decided it was best to let me know.... a few months ago while I was out of town for work, he went to an adult store (a violation of his probation). So he told me that of course it would come out in the poly so he had to tell his PO what happened.
I was livid!!! I felt like he has betrayed me all over again. I really wasn't upset that he went to the store (except that it was a violation of probation), I was more upset that it took him 2 months to tell me and the only reason he did is because he knew it would come out in the poly. I told him he was selfish and that he set back my recovery and trust of him, and that I didn't know if I could go through this crap forever...we barely spoke for days. He started going back to SAA meetings and we have a therapy session booked.
For 4 days he tried getting in touch with the PO and we stressed about what would happen. His PO just basically said that it's rare for guys not to have some slip ups. They just expect that when it does happen that they own up to it and report it.
So my husband had his poly last week....mostly passed. There was just one inconclusive about him having any devices capable of accessing internet which have not been reported... neither of us can figure out what it could be.
So now we wait for the poly results to be sent to his PO, then his whole file to be sent to a judge who will decide when to release him from probation. His PO said some judges just sign even before the due date, others wait until the due date to sign. So as of now it could be anytime. I am impatiently waiting.... I'm ready for this chapter to be closed!!!

Bittersweet October

I just realized it's been quite a while since my last post so it's about time for an update.
The probation officer has told us that he should be eligible for release from probation in the early part of next year which is great news...except that he has to go through another polygraph. He has completed his treatment and complied with all rules of probation, but a part of me is still nervous. I also think it is stupid considering polygraphs are not admissible in court.
On a sad note, October is a gut-punch month. Not only can we not decorate or celebrate Halloween (which I never cared about until I wasn't "allowed" to), but October is the month that I found out about everything (wow...3 years ago) so it is a reminder of the lies, betrayal and pain I went through. Yuck!
Coincidentally it is also the month of our anniversary (we just celebrated our first...YAY!!!), but if I'm being honest, it's been sort of bittersweet. Last year I was in knee deep in wedding planning mode/bliss, so I didn't even think about it, but this year is a little different without the distractions. Time to find a new hobby!

Peaceful

Things have been nice and quiet lately. My husband finished his required sex offender treatment program. As of now the reclassification has been stayed, although we aren't sure for how long.
We are hoping his PO will put in the request for early release from probation soon so we can finally travel and see family. I cannot wait until we are free....well, more free!

Re-classification of sex offender's

We just found out due to the Adam Walsh Act my husband has been re-classified as a tier 2 offender and must register for 25 years. While other states have implemented these new classifications already, our state has been fighting lawsuits which delayed it until now.
Despite the fact that he was deemed low risk to re-offend by a psychosocial assessment conducted by a court appointed psychologist. This act classifies the offender based on the crime itself and not the circumstances or any evaluations.
I wish people understood that the majority of registered offenders do not re-offend. Also, majority of children who are victims of sexual abuse have been abused by family and friends, not some stranger.
It frustrates me that there is not a public registry for other crimes. Why don't people who are arrested for driving while intoxicated (a common crime in my state, which threatens the lives of many people) have to put a bumper sticker on their car, providing "community notification" to other drivers so they can then choose to "stay away". Why not make a public registry for those convicted of domestic violence or those with restraining orders against them?
I am just venting now, but I am anxious to see what our lives will be like once he is on the public registry.

Looking forward to the future

My husband has been in a sex offender rehabilitation program since Jan 2014. He only has about a month and a half left to complete it. This program was a three phase program which consisted of weekly group therapy meetings, a polygraph and an Abel assessment.

Sharing is scary...my blog on facebook

I recently noticed that people were referred to my blog from Facebook. My heart sank, I instantly went into panic mode...fear, shame, insecurity and catastrophic thoughts flooded my mind. It is TERRIFYING knowing that my blog is really out there in the universe just floating around...who knows how many people will see it.

Support

It's important to have support when we're going through this mess, but often our friends and family don't understand addiction and aren't really sure how to support us! We might find that certain people are better supporters than others. You'll likely be surprised to see who truly cares enough about you to deal with you through this difficult time of misery.

Time away

Today I leave to go out of town without my husband. I'll be gone for 3 nights. I've been anxious for weeks but I've been reminding myself that he's been in recovery for over 2 years and he is responsible for his own recovery.

Isolation is hell

Lately I've been struggling with depression. Feeling and being isolated...not necessarily by choice. It's been 2 1/2 years since I discovered my husband's criminal activity fueled by sex addiction. At that time I had no plans of continuing our relationship and I turned to friends for support. Since then I have seen my friendships die a slow and painful (for me) death.

It's days like these

It's days like these that make me frustrated at my husband for making the choices he did. The weather is perfect. I'd love to go camping or hiking or take the dog to the park, but we can't...because my husband is a registered sex offender.

Red flags

Even before I knew about his addiction I felt like at times something didn't feel right. I ignored my gut and blamed my inner alarm on having dated an alcoholic/drug addict before him. I now call the behavior of ignoring myself as being codependent.

My past...how did I end up here

We often times forget or don't realize that the way we were raised and the events that happened throughout our lives have a huge impact on who we choose to spend our lives with.

Legal process...when acting out turns illegal

If you have read my previous posts you know that my initial discovery included finding out that my husband (boyfriend at that time) had his computers seized for suspicion of illegal images. I wanted to follow up on the process/outcome of that for others who may be going through the same thing and don't know what the process is.

Why I married a sex addict

I've seen a lot of post's online where women said "if I had known he was a sex addict before, I never would have married him". In some ways I can understand this. They said vows and they expected their partner to honor them. In my situation I guess I was lucky that I knew about the addiction before we had crossed that bridge... and because of it we had PLENTY of therapy, I knew exactly what I was getting into. Maybe the difference is that I had a choice.

Recovery... Group therapy and 12 step

Shortly after finding out my boyfriend was a sex addict, I began searching for other people in similar situations to relate to.

After disclosure....

My boyfriend asked me if it would be okay for him to begin seeing my current therapist for personal sessions because he felt she was more engaging and more experienced in dealing with sexual addiction than his current therapist.

Therapy and full disclosure

My first meeting with my therapist was better than I expected. She ressured me that nothing I did (or didn't do) would have changed his behavior. She was experienced in not only dealing with sexual abuse, but she had a history of working with sexual offenders as well.

How I found out...Discovery Oct 2013

That day seemed like any other day, nothing out of the ordinary. My boyfriend (at that time, but is now my husband) called me on my drive home from work and said that he needed to talk to me about something when I got home. I began to feel like something wasn't right.